Sunday, July 5^th: Knights, Date Number One and Proper English Weather...

It’s now Wednesday.  It’s been a long few days.  Not bad days (mostly) just long.  We woke up and ate breakfast.  His highness slept later than everyone else.  We had planned to get out of the house around 9 and I think we ended up packing the car and leaving by 9:30.  Not too bad, we had a busy day scheduled:  Conisbrough Castle, Roache Abbey and Bolsover Castle.

The ride wasn’t too bad and we made pretty good time.  I’m pretty sure that despite sleeping, well, Neil slept, Malcolm hasn’t been sleeping so great, probably because he naps every time we are in the car, both boys ended up sleeping in the car.  We got to Conisbrough and they had a medieval troupe that was getting ready to put on a show – a mini-Renaissance Faire.   They gave Neil a crown, which he didn’t want to wear until we told him that we were going to give it to Malcolm – then, he wanted to wear it.  There was a very odd crazy lady with purple/reddish hair – we’re not sure exactly what her story is.  More on her later. 

We walked around the grounds and headed up into the tower.  Neil and I walked the outside of the place and then headed back in to find Mommy and Malcolm.  We found them inside and we found some spots so that we could watch the knights do “battle.”  Basically, they had a small circle and you had to push the other knight out of the circle.  I’m no weapons expert, but I thought it was a it bullshittty.  I mean they did more pushing and shoving than they did hitting each other with their weapons.  Before this all started, Neil found another little boy and they began running back and forth towards each other and in circles. 

We decided to head out and on to our next spot.   The crazy German lady stopped Jess and asked her to take her picture with the castle behind her.  The Witch of Conisbrough.  She was really bizarre and it wasn’t just a language thing.  As a matter of fact, we are not sure exactly what she was speaking.  Why I didn’t also take a picture is beyond me.  Time, tide and the Witch of Conisbrough wait for no man.

We got into the car and headed to Roache Abbey.  We arrived and headed towards the abbey.  There were two teenagers making out in the small amount of ruins before you go to the place to show your English Heritage tickets.  Lame.

We got inside the abbey and headed over to a spot that probably held the cloisters to have our lunch.  If in previous blogs you enjoyed the history lessons that accompanied the descriptions, you’ll get no such satisfaction with this blog.  It is impossible keep track of the two maniacs, take pictures and listen to Jess all while taking in the history as well.  Did I mention that it was much easier when it was just the two of us?  

There were two pretty decently preserved spots that just made for an awesome spot for pictures.    We met another couple and their little girl Annie.  Neil’s first date on the trip.  They were nice and made some suggestions on places to go and they stopped Neil from falling into the fast running stream next to the ruins.  Neil thoroughly enjoyed climbing on the ruins.  We’re not sure exactly what, if anything you’re actually allowed to climb on but he did, as does every kid who ends up going there – and why not, the only people who would care are Catholics, and most of them were booted out thanks to Henry VIII – that dick.

Our next stop was Bolsover Castle.  We had a shitty time trying to park but eventually parked in the coach spot like everyone else, I figured since it was Sunday, there probably weren’t any busses coming.  We started to walk and explore and Neil had to pee.  I wasn’t running all the way back to the store area so I held him so he could pee over the walls.  There was only one older lady even close and I am sure she didn’t see his arch over the wall.  Afterwards, we went to the ruined part and we examined all the “secret” doors and spots.  As we continued to explore, His Highness announced that he had to poop – so I ran him back to the shop and we got him in to bathroom.  Instead of squatting and actually shitting in the castles, we are now using the toilets.  Progress. 

We went to go back out and Jess said he was getting cranky and we should get his backpack too.  I disagreed and she went to get it and when she came back it started pouring.  Jess tried to ask one of the people working there how long to get to the inside part of the castle when the wind blew and knocked over an umbrella on a table and smashed all the plates and cups on the ground.  Jess apologized.  The lady was pissed.   So we got Neil on my back and then waited it out in the store until the rain let up a little.  When it did, we ran to the inside area of the castle.  It was well preserved and pretty cool. A lot of the rooms seemed to have the original stuff in them.  It was old and beat up but in an authentic way – not a shitty one.

When it was done, Jess and I argued, which we do on every ride.  If I actually recorded each of those on this blog, you’d never finish reading.  Long story short is she is right and I am wrong.

We headed back to the place they slept, and we had dinner.  Neil misbehaved.  The end.

I should speak about the apartment a little.  It would have been perfect for Jess and I  - it was two floors, bunk beds in the small bedroom and one with a queen bed.  I’m not sure how the small bedroom even qualifies as a bedroom.  Anyway, the owner said that the person who built (?) the place had twelve kids.  Twelve.  I’d like to know where the hell they all slept – how they even lived without killing each other when we have two kids under four who can’t stay out of each other’s way?  I believe that he said it was built in 1840.  For us, it was not a good spot for two kids.  We have to move the lounge chair in front of the steps to keep Malcolm from climbing up them – over and over again.  Neil, he just jumped over it and went upstairs and slammed some doors, then would come down and jump off the chair, then torture Malcolm. This might have all been tolerable if there was internet access.