7:08 PM | Author: Publius
So, we have our three spots:  NE England, Portugal and Germany.  We have had a lull in the planning since last week - or at least until we decided to head to Germany.

The plan for Germany is fairly simple:  see more castles and drink beer.

So the plan is actually to do a bunch of spots on the Romantic and Castle road or something and drink lots of beer.  In looking at it, we also decided that we would take a day trips to Innsubruck and Salzburg, Austria.  Salzburg is the place of Mozart's birth (I think).  Regardless, I just looked at some pictures and it looks amazing.  Innsbruck is smack in the middle of the Alps.  If the boys were older and could do it, I would have loved to just hike a ton in all of the Alps - perhaps a future trip.

For the record, the jealousy hasn't gotten much better.



Zombies...




I suppose this blog will be as much about family as it is about traveling in Europe with two kids under four, on a self-imposed budget with two adults who both know everything.  And so, I imagine that this blog will be a little look into our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Let's face it, we're all each of those every day.  Some of us are more bad than others though.


Where the hell was I?

Oh yeah, today.  I sent Jess a text while I was on the way home (stopped at a light of course), really, while at a standstill on the Belt.  I told her to get the options for the flights together so that we can make a decision when I got there.

I arrived after a typical Friday journey home - racing on Ocean and battling the hoards of idiots on the Belt and the Southern State.  Jess had a few options picked out for the flights - Frankfurt and Munich at this point had pretty much gotten to be the same price - or we could leave a few days earlier for cheaper flights.

Now, I put a lot into getting these days off and I plan on using them.  Thankfully, my supervisor is very understanding of just how stressed and spread thin I have become this year.  We have had a number of very good conversations this week and when I talked about my stress level and the fact that I was in need of getting away, she said, "Yeah, I got that when you put in your request for the entire month of July off!"  Also, I am thankful that she knows and values the work that we are doing in the school and knows that a tired and stressed me isn't going to do anything well next year - and I do believe that next year could be a massive year for us as we continue to develop practice and change the culture.

Since the prices went up, we began to tinker with a few ideas…what's close?  Do you really want to spend that many days in Germany?  Where else can we go?  What are the prices for other nearby major cities?  How much will the one way fees for the car be and would they be less than the flight home from Munich?

We looked at the distance and prices to Amsterdam, Paris, Milan, Prague and maybe one or two other places.  Now, we have been to each of these cities before with the exception of Milan.  We do both like Italy…

There were a number of calculations flying around the room.  Siri was working her ass off but she sucked at times, not being able to handle the requests.  Jess asked, "Do you really want to go to Paris again?"  And, no, I don't, because I hate the French but, I do have to say, Paris is a cool city but definitely not my first choice to end the trip.  We debated a bit more, crunched some numbers and finally decided that when you look at the reduction of price per person for the flight, the reduction in the hours of the flight compared to the cost of the one-way fee for the car, it was best for us to wind down our trip in a city that we have gone to before but didn't spend a lot of time.  During our first two trips to Europe when we just wanted to be number whores and hit as many places as possible, we spent about a day or so in this city.  I have always said I would love to head back to it again one day.  The flight is on Norwegian Air and somehow, the flight was cheapest when you booked on Norwegian's website in Norway which is written in Norwegian.  It was like an extra $100 bucks on their US site and 50 or so more on another European countries.  Jess translated the entire site on google, I assume and, we got out flight, for the cheapest price possible.

So, after dinner, Jess decided that we should play a family game.  This family game would be Jess' version of Who's Line Is It?  One of her favorite bits is when they used the props.  We would be doing the same, only Malcolm would be our prop.  "Really, are you sure that is a good idea, considering Neil is trying to assassinate him?"

Jess started, she was supposed to be a snake.  I knew this and purposely did not answer, since I had just opened this:


And that my friends, has at least a 20% abv - and since this one is a year and a half old, probably a little more.  Eventually, Neil guessed something and it was his turn, to be a snake.  And this continued, as Jess was a gorilla, then Neil was a gorilla.  Somehow, I guessed tiger.  I was wrong.  

Then I was supposed to use Neil as my prop, but somehow ended up as his - I was an animal that he was going to ride.


Jess was a fireman and Malcolm was her hose.  I thought she was using him as a battering ram to break into the house that was on fire.  Neil guessed that she was a fireman and then did the same thing by jumping around the living room and saying something about fire.  He didn't use Malcolm as a hose, and that must have confused me because I guessed "a really bad dancer?"  


It was my turn, I cracked open his top and gulped and said, guess what I am doing?  Neil guessed that I was a seal.


Touché.

So there was a noter round or two and Neil ended with being a saltwater crocodile (from Octonauts).  At some point, I said saltwater croc and Jess used this against me to make it my turn.  So, I proceeded to get down on the floor and start doing MY best saltwater croc, when Neil got up of the couch and kicked me right in my fucking eyeball.  Not like, kicked me in the eye and hit me on the bone around the socket.  No, the point of his big toe hit me right in my fucking eyeball - lid open and all.

That shit hurts.

And so, that ended the worst game of family charades yet.  Neil went to time out, Jess showered and Malcolm hung with me as I nursed the remainder of my World Wide Stout.  The evening wound down and Neil and I ate a few Oreos.


I think he looks like Matt Dillon's character in Something About Mary.  Somehow, that movie ends up in like every friggin' blog based on a trip.  We did see Cameron Diaz is JFK one time waiting on a line to go through security - it was either when we went to Spain or NZ/OZ.

Oh yeah, so, we have our flight home.  July 2-Aug 2.  New York-Manchester-Newcastle-Faro-Lisbon-Frankfurt-Prague-New York.  32 days, 5 countries, 3 flights, 2 95 lbs car seats, 2 adults who argue over directions and navigation and 2 kids under four.  WTF are we thinking?
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8:15 AM | Author: Publius
I will try to structure this by category.  Fuck.  Malcolm just woke up.  Again.  After waking up at 7 and staying up until about 8:40ish.  That's am.  So, I guess I will start with our first category:

Boys.


Maybe this should be filed under jealousy, I'm not sure.  It seems that people seem to say that it is just boy behavior.  However, Neil is pretty rough with Malcolm.  Not like he beats him or whacks him in the head with a bat, he's just rough.


It doesn't matter what it is, if Malcolm is playing with something, Neil will rip it out of his hands, whether he wants it or not.



Lightsaber.


Gone.


Cars.  Gone.

Hat…blocks…a stick…a turd…

Gone.


It makes what should be easy tasks to do, like getting ready to leave somewhere or getting crap together very difficult and that's what we do the entire trip.  Get stuff ready for the next day, unpack food, make dinner, etc….wash, rinse, repeat.  At this point, neither of us trusts Neil to be alone with him, just because of how rough he is.  In his face, hugging, then pushing, then leaning all his body weight on him, then slowly and sneakily sliding a foot out to push him further…etc.  You get the picture.  



Sure, this looks cute, but it's really not.

If one of them is on one of us, the other gets jealous.  I can't say I'm really sure about what to do about all this as it gets very frustrating.  In addition to the just talking at will and then getting louder to try to talk over someone.


Malcolm had a full, stinky diaper for the picture on the right.  Good boy.

Phone and fuckingRyanAir….

We have been trying to get our flight out of Lisbon to the next stop for a few hours now.  We have pretty much made a decision on where we are going - and that took a long time but I think we have finally made a decision and are ready to book.

Jess has called that fucking low budget, low customer service, low class, RyanAir four times to try to figure out what we need to do to book a flight.  For some reason, there is no standard agreed upon rules for booking a seat for an infant.  We're buying the seat, what's the fucking problem?!?!?!

Jess was on their web chat help and after getting a convoluted answer from the person, as she tried to go online and buy the flights, the guy cut her off.  The  she got on the phone with them and was hung up on 3 fucking times.  That's after 8-10 minutes of wait time and that's 10 cents a minute.

The RyanAir scam is that you can buy an adult seat for the kid but they have to be registered as a lap infant, which carries another $20 fee.  That's in addition to your bags, buying a reserved seat and then buying priority boarding which for the record is not guaranteed:

So, I can't find it because even their website is shit.  I click on the link for the regulations and it just reopens the page.  WTF?

So, the flight may be one that they have to bus you to the plane.  You can have priority boarding but they cannot guarantee you priority off the bus and on to the plane.  WTF?

If you'd like to read more experiences with RyanAir - our own (and I think I have others lined in it) click here.  It's truly amazing that this company is still in business.  It's their 30th anniversary this year.  If RyanAir were a baby animal, their mother would have eaten them.  If you like the posts where I do a lot of cursing and am just fucking angry, look out for the RyanAir flight post because that will be the one.  People behave like animals to get on the flight - they push, knock into one another and generally couldn't give a shit what happens to the person next to them.  All for a small, shitty seat on a shitty plane with shitty service that you have to pay for.

Carseats. 
The last trip, we took the Diono seat because it folded up and this would be good for traveling.  It weighs like 95 lbs.  Sure it was on a little cart but that didn't help when it needed to be carried or pushed down the aisle of the plane - which, by the way, we barely used it because Neil flipped out on the flight to Glasgow and barely stayed in his seat.  Add this to the 50 something lbs suitcase and then the backpack and then probably a kid and you have modern torture rack.

Back to Boys.
This was the last 5 minutes while writing this.  Should be self-explanatory.  What you don't see is who slapped who on the hand with the f'ing measuring cup.






Back to fuckingRyanAir….
So, she gets back on the web chat with someone and they tell her that she was misinformed.  You do not have to buy the lap infant and the other seat thing….so, apparently if there are no other f'ups, we will be leaving Lisbon and landing in Frankfurt on July 20th.  I think.  Provided that is the correct date.

What's a trip to Europe without a flight with RyanAir?

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